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A HOUSE TO LET (FULL TEXT)
by Charles Dickens, Wilkie Collins, Elizabeth Gaskell, Adelaide AnnProcter

Contents:

Over the Way
The Manchester Marriage
Going into Society
Three Evenings in the House
Trottle’s Report
Let at Last

OVER THE WAY

I had been living at Tunbridge Wells and nowhere else, going on forten years, when my medical man—very clever in his profession,and the prettiest player I ever saw in my life of a hand at Long Whist,which was a noble and a princely game before Short was heard of—saidto me, one day, as he sat feeling my pulse on the actual sofa whichmy poor dear sister Jane worked before her spine came on, and laid heron a board for fifteen months at a stretch—the most upright womanthat ever lived—said to me, “What we want, ma’am,is a fillip.”

“Good gracious, goodness gracious, Doctor Towers!” saysI, quite startled at the man, for he was so christened himself: “don’ttalk as if you were alluding to people’s names; but say what youmean.”

“I mean, my dear ma’am, that we want a little changeof air and scene.”

“Bless the man!” said I; “does he mean we or me!”

“I mean you, ma’am.”

“Then Lard forgive you, Doctor Towers,” I said; “whydon’t you get into a habit of expressing yourself in a straightforwardmanner, like a loyal subject of our gracious Queen Victoria, and a memberof the Church of England?”

Towers laughed, as he generally does when he has fidgetted me intoany of my impatient ways—one of my states, as I call them—andthen he began,—

“Tone, ma’am, Tone, is all you require!”He appealed to Trottle, who just then came in with the coal-scuttle,looking, in his nice black suit, like an amiable man putting on coalsfrom motives of benevolence.

Trottle (whom I always call my right hand) has been in my servicetwo-and-thirty years.  He entered my service, far away from England.He is the best of creatures, and the most respectable of men; but, opinionated.

“What you want, ma’am,” says Trottle, making upthe fire in his quiet and skilful way, “is Tone.”

“Lard forgive you both!” says I, bursting out a-laughing;“I see you are in a conspiracy against me, so I suppose you mustdo what you like with me, and take me to London for a change.”

For some weeks Towers had hinted at London, and consequently I wasprepared for him.  When we had got to this point, we got on soexpeditiously, that Trottle was packed off to London next day but one,to find some sort of place for me to lay my troublesome old head in.

Trottle came back to me at the Wells after two days’ absence,with accounts of a charming place that could be taken for six monthscertain, with liberty to renew on the same terms for another six, andwhich really did afford every accommodation that I wanted.

“Could you really find no fault at all in the rooms, Trottle?”I asked him.

“Not a single one, ma’am.  They are exactly suitableto you.  There is not a fault in them.  There is but one faultoutside of them.”

“And what’s that?”

“They are opposite a House to Let.”

“O!” I said, considering of it.  “But is thatsuch a very great objection?”

“I think it my duty to mention it, ma’am.  It isa dull object to look at.  Otherwise, I was so greatly pleasedwith the lodging that I should have closed with the terms at once, asI had your authority to do.”

Trottle thinking so highly of the place, in my interest, I wishednot to disappoint him.  Consequently I said:

“The empty House may let, perhaps.”

“O, dear no, ma’am,” said Trottle, shaking hishead with decision; “it won’t let.  It never does let,ma’am.”

“Mercy me!  Why not?”

“Nobody knows, ma’am.  All I have to mention is,ma’am, that th

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