BY THE AUTHOR OF "MR. DOOLEY IN PEACE AND IN WAR," "MR. DOOLEYIN THE HEARTS OF HIS COUNTRYMEN", ETC.
NEW YORK, CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS
Mr. DOOLEY SAYS
DIVORCE
GLORY
WOMAN SUFFRAGE
THE BACHELOR TAX
THE RISING OF THESUBJECT RACES
PANICS
OCEAN TRAVEL
WORK
DRUGS
A BROKEN FRIENDSHIP
THE ARMY CANTEEN
THINGS SPIRITUAL
BOOKS
THE TARIFF
THE BIG FINE
EXPERT TESTIMONY
THE CALL OF THEWILD
THE JAPANESE SCARE
THE HAGUE CONFERENCE
TURKISH POLITICS
VACATIONS
"Well, sir," said Mr. Dooley, "I see they've been holdin' aDivoorce Congress."
"What's that?" asked Mr. Hennessy.
"Ye wudden't know," said Mr. Dooley. "Divoorce is th' on'yluxury supplied be th' law that we don't injye in Ar-rchey Road. Uphere whin a marrid couple get to th' pint where 'tis impossible f'rthim to go on livin' together they go on livin' together. They feelthat way some mornin' in ivry month, but th' next day finds thimstill glarin' at each other over th' ham an' eggs. No wife iverlaves her husband while he has th' breath iv life in him, an' annygintleman that took a thrip to Reno in ordher to saw off th'housekeepin' expinses on a rash successor wud find throuble readyf'r him whin he come back to Ar-rchey Road. No, sir, whin ourpeople grab hands at th' altar, they're hooked up f'river. There'son'y wan decree iv divoorce that th' neighbors will recognize, an'that's th' wan that entitles ye to ride just behind th' pallbearers. That's why I'm a batch. 'Tis th' fine skylark iv atimprary husband I'd make, bringin' home a new wife ivry Foorth ivJuly an' dischargin' th' old wan without a charackter. But th'customs iv th' neighbors are agin it.
"But 'tis diff'rent with others, Hinnissy. Down be MitchiganAvnoo marredge is no more bindin' thin a dhream. A short marridlife an' an onhappy wan is their motto. Off with th' old love an'on with th' new an' off with that. 'Till death us do part,' saysth' preacher. 'Or th' jury,' whispers th' blushin' bride.
"Th' Divoorce Congress, Hinnissy, that I'm tellin' ye about wasassembled to make th' divoorce laws iv all th' States th' same.It's a tur-rble scandal as it is now. A man shakes his wife in wanState on'y to be grabbed be her an' led home th' minyit he crossesth' border. There's no saf