PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 150.
MAY 31, 1916.
CONTENTS:CHARIVARIA. —THE BRITISH DRAGON. —UNWRITTEN LETTERS TO THE KAISER. —A REGRETTABLE INCIDENT. —THOUGHTS ON NEWSPAPERS. —ABDUL: AN APPRECIATION. —THE DYSPEPTIC'S DILEMMA. —BALLADE OF BOOKS FOR THE WOUNDED. —ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. —A CONVENIENT CONSCIENCE. —SCREEN INFLUENCES. —NURSERY RHYMES OF LONDON TOWN. —THE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. —OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
Retired Major (to mendicant who has claimed to have seen service in the South African War). 'Wretched impostor! That is an Indian Mutiny ribbon.'
Mendicant. "Lumme! Is it?"
CHARIVARIA.
A conscientious objector told the Cambridge tribunal that he could notpass a butcher's shop without shuddering. The suggestion that he shouldobviate the shudders by going inside seems almost too simple a solution.
According to a report of the committee appointed to investigate thematter, water is the best agent for suppressing conflagrations causedby bombs. It is not suggested, however, that other remedies now inuse for the purpose, such as the censorship of the Press, should becompletely abandoned.
According to Reuter (whom we have no reason to doubt) a campaign is nowbeing waged in German East Africa against giraffes, which have beeninconveniencing our telegraphic system by scratching the wires withtheir necks. It will be remembered that the policy of using giraffesinstead of telegraph poles was adopted by the War Office in the faceof a strong body of adverse opinion.
It is reported that, as the result of the prohibition by Sweden of theexportation of haddock, salmon, cleverly disguised to resemble theformer, are being sold by unscrupulous fishmongers in the Mile End Road.
An arsenal worker has pleaded for exemption on the ground that he hadseven little pigs to look after. The Tribunal however promised him thatin the German trenches he would find as many full-grown pigs to lookafter as the heart of man could desire.
"In showing how to use as little meat as possible," says a contemporaryin the course of a review of the Thrift Exhibition of the NationalSchool of Cookery, "a cook mixed the steak for her pudding in withthe pastry." This is a striking improvement upon the old-fashionedmethod of serving