ROGERS-ISMS
The Cowboy Philosopher
on The Peace Conference
By WILL ROGERS
Frontispiece Portrait
NEW YORK: HARPER &
BROTHERS: PUBLISHERS
Rogers-isms:
The Cowboy Philosopher on the Peace Conference
Copyright, 1919, by Harper & Brothers
Printed in the United States of America
Published May, 1919
The Cowboy Philosopher
on The Peace Conference
In the Five times I have appeared before President Wilson Ihave used dozens of these same jokes, about him, And he hasthe best sense of humor and is the best audience I everplayed too, Which bears out the theory I work on, That youcan always joke about a big Man that is really big, But dontever kid about the little fellow that thinks he issomething, cause he will get sore Thats why hes little,
W. R.[1]
ALIBI
There is no particular reason why I should horn in on youPublic with a Book, But thats just when they seem to writethem, When theres no need or reason for them,
The shorter white Paper gets the more careless these PenHounds get with it,
All my friends advise me to go ahead Will and write it causeyou wont annoy people with it like these other Writers dowith theirs, Nobody will read yours
When a Guy has never grazed educationally any further thanMcGuffeys fourth Reader his ravings aint liable to[2] throwany jealous scare into Literary Circles,
Grammar and I get along like a Russian and a BathTub,
In fact Americans are getting to dote too much on Grammarand Good Manners, They say the most perfect English in thiscountry is spoken in Sing Sing, And at the Federal Prison inAtlanta, They claim a Knife never touched a Lip, So you seewhere that junk leads you too,
I was going to write a Book on the War, But I heard somefellow had already done it,
In fact I figure that the fellow who dont write on the warwill be a novelty,[3] There is so many Books on the War thatno two people will have to read the same Book.
Then the War was too serious a subject I could not write onit, But the Peace Feast, That seemed to offer a better fieldfor Humor provided you stick to the facts,
I have some inside facts procured from the most reliablesource, And as I dont want to see the World grow up inignorance on this historical subject I would really feelselfish and mean too withold it,
Heres how I got it, There is a fellow I know, Who had afriend, And this friends Sister had a sweetheart and he wasa Soldier in France and his cousins[4] pal was a Bunkie of ColHouses Chouffer, The Col told his Chouffer So you see myinformation comes from the s